ARGGH!! I am No Longer Young!

Yesterday, life seemed to offer an infinite number of possibilities; your potential knew no bounds. Then, all of a sudden, you realise you are NO LONGER YOUNG and heading down the hill to the grave pretty damn fast.

If you need glasses to read this, a cup of coffee to jump start your day and are nodding stiffly to agree, it’s a sign: you are getting old.

One day, it’s all about unbridled ambition, flash lifestyle and being fabulous – and the next thing, you wake up and find yourself happy when people cancel going-out plans, happy hour is a nap and your favourite shop is the Garden Centre down the road.

Here are a few more light-hearted signs that you’re no longer a spring chicken:

  • Looking in the mirror is depressing – and you need a magnifying glass to pluck your eyebrows.
  • You’re proud to own a lawnmower, even though you can’t start it.
  • You can tuck your boobs under your arms.
  • You find yourself singing along to elevator music.
  • Favourite topics include the weather and dropping fuel prices.
  • You discuss pension plans and know the difference between equities and annuities.
  • You take twice as long to look half as nice.
  • You give up all our bad habits but still don’t feel great.
  • Even your ankles are wrinkly.
  • When you bend over in yoga, your cheeks fall into your eyes.
  • Your bum lies on the back of your legs, no matter how many squats you do.
  • When the young instructor tells you to pull your stomach in, you can’t.
  • A good night is a nap in front of the TV, then bed with a book – on your own.
  • Crowded places start to overwhelm and frustrate you.
  • Teenagers and young adults really, really annoy you.
  • Before starting any exercise, you have to stretch for ages … then end up too pooped to start the workout.
  • You see nothing wrong with socks and sandals, and your Ugg boots are your best friends in winter.
  • You grunt when you stand up or sit down, and when you get onto the floor, you look around to see what else you can do while you are down there – like maybe have a little nap.
  • You still have DVDs and cassette tapes but nothing to play them on.
  • Technology stops making sense or being fun and you want to stick with what you know.
  • Keeping up with people seems to tiring.
  • News programmes and docos become your shows of choice.
  • Life has become WAY too short for tight jeans or uncomfortable shoes.

The good news is that you realise you’re getting “not young anymore” – but you’re too lazy to care, your hearing’s too muffled to hear about it clearly,  and your eyesight is too dodgy to see it. Winning!


  1. Justine says

    Haha!! My eyelids have drooped into my eyes, but so far my it’s just my knees that are wrinkly. I’m sure they will reach my ankles soon. :)

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